I stated at the end of part one that the second reason is a little deeper and personal. I meant that. This is in many ways a declaration from me that after many years of soul searching I finally feel as though I understand what makes me tick. The artwork and the comedy that will be the backbone of this adventure are two things that I firmly believe I can’t live without. They make me feel alive and drive me to push myself further than anything else I could be doing career wise. If I’ve learned one thing in life it is that when we find ourselves in situations that truly scare us, we are usually headed in the direction we need to be. This entire thing scares the crap out of me. I want to restate that again just so we’re clear, it absolutely scares the living hell out of me, and that’s why I know it’s exactly what I should be doing.
So what a lot of people don’t know about me is that I am a very private person. Now before you cry BS and come storming the gates hear me out (as if there are gates to storm in the first place). I have always been a person who is not afraid to be in front of crowds or to put myself out there for the world to see. My number one fear in life has been that at any given moment I will be too scared to try something and miss out on opportunities because of it. I can’t stress just how deeply this drives me at my very core. It makes it very easy for me to place myself in situations that other people would run from simply because my fear pushes me to jump head first into the deep end instead of waiting for my mind to talk itself out of it. Over time what I’ve learned is that if it comes down to sink or swim I will somehow make it out alive and due to this I have developed very little fear of failing (this often leads to me being unprepared which in itself leads to failure…which is extremely ironic and annoying).
Now, having said that, what I do to protect myself in these situations is to ensure that nothing is ever taken too seriously. I have always been the guy who is just out to have fun or have a good laugh. The things I do are reflective of that in that if anything ever starts to feel “real” or as though it’s no longer just a joke then I immediately turn and run. Again this isn’t out of fear of failing, but more so out of fear that it will challenge me more than I want to accept. I am after all a giant ****** (yes I used the word Vagina) when it comes to things like this. The main reason is a hard one for me to admit as it is about as personal of a subject as there can be. At risk of sounding melodramatic I will simply state that in my adolescent years I went through a period of very deep depression (didn’t we all) and in order to pull myself back out I made a promise (to myself) to always keep things on the lighter side. Now when you smash cut to 15 years later you have a very solid basis for understanding why I am the way I am.
At this point I can hear you screaming, “My God man, get to the point already!”
(Jeez…thought I’d get a bit personal for a minute…..jerk) 😉
Well, here we go. The best example of this is with my artwork. Over the years countless people have asked me to make and sell them art. For me art has always been my passion. It has always been the place that I go to release my thoughts and project the imagery and beauty I see floating around in my chaotic head. I have found that I am at my happiest when I sit down to create a painting, and even more so when that painting is something that will be a gift. However, there is a TON of work involved in creating “fine” art, and it can be an extremely draining process. True it starts and ends happily but it is bogged down in the middle with countless hours of very meticulous (often tedious) work. When I am creating art for myself or as a gift I am able to remove myself from those things easily as it is still just for fun, but as soon as money gets involved it immediately becomes far too real from me and I back away from the whole thing. It’s not that I fear the work (I love hard work and challenges) or that I fear being rejected or failing in the end. It is simply that I fear the immense pressure I put on myself to not just meet any expectations but to blow them out of the water. This is the reason I traditionally do not sell my work.
So to bring this all back around (with a nice little bow on top), about three years ago I decided to actually challenge myself. I wanted to push against these issues that I have fought my whole life and see if I could come out the other side a better version of myself (because isn’t that really what life is all about…also I have now reached my allotted limit of uses of the word myself in this post so this could get tricky). For the past three plus years I have been quietly working on a project of sorts. I have been stockpiling a personal arsenal (hello NSA) of artwork that is starting to boarder the outer edges of hoarding in that I am honestly running out of places to store it. So I am very happy to announce that I am finally ready to release this beast into the wild.
On Memorial Weekend (Friday May 23, and Saturday May 24, 2014) I will be hosting an exhibition of my artwork in the clock tower building at the Northern Pacific Rail yard in Brainerd. Of all the things that we have placed under the iKnowBadeaux moniker this one holds the most personal significance to me as it is truly my declaration to the world that I finally understand the chaotic nature of who I am and the various things that make me tick. I would like to invite each and every one of you to attend. I can’t express enough just how much this means to me and how intense of a project this has become, but in the end I know it will all be worth it to share these creations with my friends, family, and community. Alongside of my new pieces I have also been working with the a select handful of collectors who own previous works of mine and am happy to announce that some of these will be on display and a few even for sale at the event as well!
I will be releasing more information in the coming week so please stay tuned.
Thank you as always for your support. 🙂